Work It Out Between the Two of You

"If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.  If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.  But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.  If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."  (Matthew 18:15-17)

Put any two people together, in any kind of relationship long enough, and one will hurt or offend the other.  The two will disagree on something, it is inevitable.  It is human nature.  It is life.  Thanks be to God that Jesus knows us, and gives us the teaching above, which is so practical for our daily lives.

Many Bibles put section headings or titles on various parts of scripture.  The Lutheran Study Bible entitles this passage, "Reproving Another Who Sins."  Most entitle this section of Jesus' teaching, "Disciplining Members of the Church."  Indeed, the passage above provides a simple and healthy process for governing interpersonal conflict.  However, a better section title might be, "Work it Out Between the Two of You."

When you look at the context of the passage, it is clear that Jesus' intent is not to teach us how to discipline one another, but rather to teach us how to work things out, how to be reconciled to one another.  Before we write someone off, we are to actively try to work things out three times, before we treat them as an outsider.  (Notice, however, that even once they are an outsider--gentile or tax collector--we are still to hope for their repentance and return to the community.  Jesus spent a lot of time with Gentiles and tax collectors...he healed them, talked to them, listened, ate with them, and worked with them.  The irony!  Treat them as Gentiles and tax collectors means befriend them!  The Christian never shuns or despises the outsider, but loves even the enemy.)

When Jesus lays out this system of conflict management, he just finished sharing the Parable of the Lost Sheep.  In that parable, the shepherd leaves his 99 sheep to recover the 1 that was lost.  Before that, the disciples asked Jesus, "who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?"  Jesus responded by showing them a child, and said that the young child--vulnerable, humble, with no status in society--is the greatest.  And, "Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."  Those who frustrate and offend us because they act childish or infantile...those are the ones we are to welcome....

The purpose of Matthew 18:15-17 is not discipline, but rather reconciliation.  The only goal is that the two (offended and offender) repair the relationship between them.

If someone offends you, go to that one...
Go to that one, and do not gossip.
When reconciliation is the goal, the first person who should hear your grievance is God.  Then, the only human being who should hear the story of how you were offended is the one who offended you. This goes against human nature.  When we are offended, we want to tell everyone but the one who caused the offense.  We want others to support us and to see how wrong the other is.  We want someone to punish the other person.  But Jesus gives us this commandment so that we seek reconciliation, not discipline!  So, to do that, we have to go to the offender first.

Go to that one, and do not wait for them to come to you.
When reconciliation is the goal, the responsibility of reconciliation is placed on the one who is offended.  This goes against human nature.  When we are offended, we want the offender to come to us, groveling for forgiveness!  We wait for an apology.  And only then are we willing to consider forgiveness and reconciliation--maybe.  But if you want what Jesus wants (what God wills), then you will not wait for the offender to come crawling back, ashamed and repentant.  No, if you want what God wills, you will leave your 99 friends who have your back, and you will go look for that 1 who offended, so that you can regain that one.

Go to that one, again and again.
When reconciliation is the goal, the Christian never gives up entirely.  After we have followed the whole process (1. go to that one; 2. go to that one with one or two witnesses; 3. go to that one with the whole church), then the ball is in the offender's court.  At that point, we need not actively pursue reconciliation, but we continue to wait for it.  It is no longer our responsibility, but the responsibility of the offender to seek reconciliation at that point.  But we hope for it.  We look for it in holy expectation.  In Matthew, after Jesus has explained the whole process of "Working it Out Between the Two of You," Peter asks him, "Lord, if another member of the church sins agains me, how often should I forgive?  As many as seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times."  In other words, forgiveness is always an option.  Reconciliation is always and forever the goal.  This goes against human nature.  When we are offended, and we have made the attempt to reconcile at least once or twice, we feel that our duty to our fellow human being is done.  'They don't want reconciliation?  Fine, then I am done,' we say.  Or we forgive the offender, and they just keep running over us---offending us in the same way over and over again, never changing.  And so we decide to get wise, saying, 'They won't fool me again.  I am done.'  But Jesus explains that we are never done...if we want what God wants.  We will foolishly forgive, again and again, because reconciliation is the goal.  Nothing else on earth is more important...if we want what God wants.  And if we don't want what God wants, then we have become to Jesus a Gentile and a tax collector.  Even then, to be forgiven, we must forgive.

What a hard teaching!  And yet it is elegant in its simplicity.  It is practical.  It works.  It can be applied to any relationship.  It has so many applications in our daily life.  Yet, it takes love and discipline (that is, it takes faith) to do what Jesus here commands.

This is what God does...
If it is good enough for God, then it is good enough for me.  When I sin against the Father, God does not go to Jesus to sneer and gripe about me.  God does not turn his back, not even after forgiving seven times.  God does not go to Satan and say, "Devil, take him."  When I sin against the Father, God comes to me.  We work it out, me and God.  And what matters to God is not that God is right, but that we find a way to keep the love between us.

When we are in community with others, we hurt people.  But thanks be to God that hurt can be overcome with love, sin can be overcome with grace.  It is not just our mission...it is our hope.  Amen.