Kinds of Love, Part II: Agape

Having discussed, in my last post, the loves eros and philia, we now turn to the final and highest form of love, agape.  Although, agape may not be unique to Christianity, one cannot be fully Christian without loving, or trying to love, in this way.

AGAPE
This type of love is actually quite simple to understand.  However, this sort of love is the most difficult.  Indeed, agape is offensive to our human sensibilities.

This type of love is most commonly characterized as self-sacrificing love.  As Jesus put it, the love that inspires to lay down one's life for a friend.  Agape is the deepest kind of love.  It requires intimacy, openness and trust.  When Paul writes about love in 1 Corinthians 13--"Love is patient.  Love is kind.... Love does not insist on its own way..." and so on, he is referring to agape love.  It is a love so powerful that we would even give up ourselves, our own life, for the object of our love.  This is how Jesus would have us love our neighbors and ourselves.  Being pushed to make sacrifices for ones we love is an offense to individuality--individual rights and rights of property.  Agape forces us into the type of humbleness and compassion that offends our sense of autonomy.  Yet the gains of agape are immeasurable.  Jesus says at one point, "...those who cling to their life will lose it, and those who lose their life will gain it...."  Part of what he refers to here is the self-emptying that is required for agape.  Although I lose my position of central importance in agape, I suddenly and mysteriously gain an infinitely greater importance by communing with the whole in love.  The whole what?  In a word, God.  In several words: God, the cosmos, all of humanity, etc.  In agape, I never entirely lose myself (rather I gain myself!), but instead, I grow to sense my linkage to something greater--my place in the vast tree of life.

But that is not all we can say about agape.  Indeed, we must say more, for Jesus commands us to not only love our friends and those we know, but also to love our enemies and strangers.  Agape is not just a matter of degree.  That is, agape is not simply that I love my loved ones more deeply.  For instance, I am more likely to jeopardize my life protecting one of my nieces, then for a casual friend.  This contrast does not make my love for my niece agapic love.  Philia, and even eros, can be self-denying or self-sacrificial.  Agape is not so much a matter of degree as it is of application.  Agape is set apart from the other loves because agape is love that is shared with those who are difficult to love.

The word we have for such an expansive application is "unconditional."  I believe that few individuals appreciate the weight of this word.  Jesus died on the cross for all people--the whole world.  Not just his followers, those that loved him, and those that were good, pious people, but also criminals (even the ones executed beside him!), his enemies, the people who accused and incarcerated him, and those who hated him enough to kill him.  Jesus shared his love no matter what the other person thought of him or did to him.  Jesus' love was not conditioned by any thought or action or feeling or -thing on the part of the other, the recipient of his love.  Jesus loves us even while we are dead in sin, because his love is unconditional.  If his love were not, then he would not love us until we were purified and wholly righteous.

Agape is not tolerance.  Tolerance is passive.  Meanwhile, agape is active and proactive.

Agape is not mere acceptance.  It does not condone malicious or destructive behavior.  Instead, agape works to correct such behavior in others through the process of repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation, and through teaching and loving.

Agape is not a feeling.  It is not even a decision or commitment.  Agape is obedience to the will of God.  It is following God's example of love in Jesus Christ.  In this respect, agape is actually quite easy, for all it takes is to follow Jesus, our Pathfinder.

Agape is not preferential.  The true litmus test for agapic love is not how deeply I love my spouse or family or friends.  The true test of agapic love is whether or not one loves and shows love toward the stranger, the offender, and the enemy.  Grudges chase agape out of the heart.  So do vengeance, envy, hatred, fear, loathing, prejudice, bigotry, and indifference.

Agape does not search for reasons to love, despite undesirable traits or actions.  If we must find a reason to love someone, then we never leave eros or philia.  At once, love becomes conditional since we love because of or insofar as the other has a characteristic we admire or love.

Agape is and goes beyond every category, every judgment, every consideration.  I love my Muslim brothers and sisters, not because they are faithful and peace-loving people (though they are), and not even because they are human beings (though they are), but simply because God loves them.  And God's will is that I love them.  I love sinners, not because of their righteousness (they have none), and not because they are repentant (they may not be), but simply because God loves them.  And God's will is for me to love them, too.

Agape is a power that God injects into every ugliness, sorrow or evil---to transform it.

For the Christian it is true that the only way we can attain agapic love is through union and continual communion with God.  God is source and guide and strength.  Before God, the individual realizes how small, sinful and imperfect he or she really is.  And realizing this, it becomes the most natural thing to love all others unconditionally (as God does).  Before God, we realize that we are all completely equal when compared to God's infinite majesty and power and righteousness.  Such is the mystical and cosmic unity found in Christ, that all are equal and agapic love spreads easily and equally across all...

...if we allow God's nature to offend us.