Remembering the Dead -or- What All Saint's Day Teaches Us

On All Saint's Day, Christians remember all of those who are witnesses to the truth.  We particularly remember those who have finished their course in life, and who rest in perfect joy and eternal life in God's house.  We remember the martyrs, the apostles, the saintly heros of Christianity throughout the ages, and all of those who have touched our own lives.  Although All Saint's Day is not a day just to remember the dead, but rather even the living who help support and console us in our faith journeys, we particularly remember the dead.

A short meditation by Soren Kierkegaard, in his book Works of Love, gave me a greater appreciation for remembering the dead.  What follows is a repetition of his themes, accompanied and followed by a few of my own reflections.

Remembering one who has died is the greatest act of love.

That is, when we remember this one, despite our grief of loss, with thanksgiving.  When, despite our sorrow, which is a part of our veneration, we lovingly remember the one who is dead.

Remembering the one who has died is the greatest act of love because it is a love that is entirely unselfish, totally free, and completely faithful.

Remembering the Dead One is entirely unselfish.

If I love someone who is living, there is always the possibility that I will get something in return for that love.  At the very least, I will be, as it were, repaid by that person loving me in return.  If I love my family or spouse or friends, then I may receive support of all kinds from them.  How easy it is to love someone who makes you laugh, who helps you, who listens to you, who gives you wise advice, who sits with you in sorrow, or who walks beside you in trials.

But one who is dead can give nothing in return for our recollecting them in love.  The one who is dead cannot help us, cannot walk beside us through life--they are buried in the ground or have been returned to ashes and dust.  The one who is dead cannot even return our love.  Recollecting the dead, then, is entirely unselfish, because there is no room for any expectation that we will get anything in return for the love we give in recollecting.  There is no possibility of gain.

Remembering the Dead One is totally free, indeed, is the freest type of love.

If I say to a loved one who is living: "I will always love you."  Or, when saying goodbye when I move away from a loved one, I say: "I will always remember you."  Or I say to a friend, "I will always remember that good thing you did for me."  It may happen that through the course of busy days, I do forget, that I do not always remember that person in love.  But, when I see that person again, perhaps they remember.  And upon seeing me, they ask, "Do you remember me?"  Oh!  They themselves remember, and they have remembered my promises!  Even if it is by their very presence, and they say nothing to make sure I remember, they remind me of my promise.  Presented with their reminder, I again remember them in love.

Or say my mother frustrates me, and I vent that frustration to a friend.  That friend will listen patiently to my complaint, but then the friend will remind me: She is your mother.  You must love her.  You must always remember your love for her.

There is no such police force to hold us accountable in remembering the dead in love.  There is no governmental or social or independent organization that does or can peer into our soul to verify that we are recollecting the dead in love.  Even our closest friends do not ask if we remember our dead ones...though they may listen intently, with compassion and with admiration for our love, when we broach the subject.  And we will never run into the one who is dead.  The one who is dead will not come back into our lives, and by his or her presence remind us of our love.

And so, if I continue to remember the one who has died, if I continue to remember them with love, then it is a totally free act on my part.  I choose to remember them, and it is by my will alone that I continue so to do.

Remember the Dead One is a completely faithful act of love.

Say that I am in a relationship of love with someone who is warm and breathing.  It may happen that that relationship ends.  I can still be faithful in my love for that person, my love could be unchanged.  For even in the final analysis, I can still say to myself that that person changed.  And it was the change in them, their unfaithfulness, that destroyed the relationship--even as I remained faithful.  I can even turn away from that relationship and forget that person, knowing that I loved faithfully.

It is not so with the love that remembers the one who is dead.  The one who is dead cannot change.  They rest in eternity and have the strength of eternity...that is, they no longer change.  And so, if I forget the one who is dead, and fail to remember them in love, then it can only be because there was a change in me.  The recollection ends, the love peters out, only if I become unfaithful.  Ah, but if I persist in continually remembering the one who is dead, then that love is perfectly faithful, and I am completely faithful to that person.  Recollecting the one who is dead, then, is the highest faithful act of love.

So, remembering in love the one who has died is a work of love that is entirely unselfish, totally free and completely faithful.  But one may still ask what the purpose is for remembering the dead in love.  Why does it matter?  Should we not live for the future?  Is it not good and healthy to move on and to cease dwelling on death, and those who are dead?  Do we not trap ourselves in sorrow, when we cling unceasingly to one who has left us in death?  We should live in the moment.  We should focus our energy and love on those who are around us.  Etc., etc.

These things may be true.  And yet, it is crucial that we continually recollect the dead in love.  It is crucial because when we remember in love the one who has died, we are able to learn and to practice the highest form of love.  And it is the duty of every Christian to love all those who are living with the same perfect love with which we recollect the dead.

To wit, we are to love our neighbor unselfishly.  We are to love every one we meet even if we can expect nothing in return from them.  We must not only love our family and friends--those who support us and help us--but we are also to love the stranger whom we will never see again.  We are to love the poor one, who has nothing to give.  We must not only love those who love us in return, but we are also to love those who do not love us--our enemy, the one who persecutes us, the one who treats us with indifference.

To wit, we are to love our neighbor freely.  If we love and give charity out of guilt of compulsion, it is not a free love.  If we love simply because we think it is expected of us, it is not free.  If we love because we are told it is what Christians do, and therefore in wanting to be Christian we show love, remembering the poor, the widows, the orphaned, the sick, the imprisoned, etc.--then it is not a free love.  But in recollecting the dead, we learn how to love simply by choice and will, by the welling up of love from our hearts.

To wit, we are to love our neighbor faithfully.  Even if the one (remember we are talking about the one who is living!), even if our beloved changes, we must persist in our love.  If the one we love (remember, we are talking about the ones who are easy to love AND the stranger, the sinner, the rogue and the enemy!), if the one we love sins, even if they sin against us, we must be faithful in our love.  Even if they forget us, we are to remember them--always recollecting them in love.  

Recollecting the one who is dead gives us the skill and the fortitude to love those around us.  And so, All Saint's Day is a time when we, communally, practice the spiritual discipline of love--selfless, free, and faithful love.

Thanks be to God that we have the opportunity to learn how to appreciate those we still have--and those we have yet to claim as beloved--by recollecting those we have lost.

[This friends, is the Law that comes with All Saint's Day.  I am certain that you already know, or at least can guess, the Gospel that is also given to us as we remember those who have run the race, and who have received the crown of glory in Heaven.]